So, I have no idea how this has happened already, but school starts tomorrow morning! It feels like summer session just got out a couple days ago, but here I am making all my last second preparations and praying to whatever Deity will have me, that everything goes well tomorrow... Depending on when you talk to me during the day I am scared, excited, overwhelmed, happy, and dumbstruck (or a mixture of all of them at the exact same time).
The first couple days of teacher meetings flew by like all those F16's that were playing "catch me if you can" above my house all summer long (just without as much noise and annoyance). We listened to a lot of speeches (some successful and inspiring, some not), had a lot of department meetings, and sat through a half a dozen software meetings (most of which were so confusing it felt like I was back in Don's Tech class ;-). I guess I knew school would come somewhat quickly, but I feel like I am just starting to get an idea of all the things I am going to have to be prepared for, and then, BAM, it's already on top of me!
It has been decided that Kelli (a pseudonym for my lead teacher) will be running things primarily for the first couple weeks (while we set up policies/procedures/class flow etc.) and then I will take over the Sophomore classes for the first real unit. I will be teaching the book "The Giver," which is good, because I find the book interesting and think it has some important themes and leaves the reader with a number of challenging questions that demand further exploration. I almost have too many videos and books and songs to tie into the unit, I have been needing to reel myself in a little bit in my lesson designs.
I have to admit I did have some very real concerns during the first couple days of meetings, but they are starting to subside as Kelli and I get to know each other a little more and we are learning how to communicate with each other. Kelli had had a pretty bad experience with an intern in the last year (I guess he didn't really want to teach and almost refused to write any lesson plans), and had been acting a little closed off with me the first couple days, using me as a glorified student assistant than a student teacher. I found myself doing a lot of manual labor and other menial tasks while she sat in the classroom and got all the lesson plans together without me. Now I understand that there is a lot of menial work to be done in a very little amount of time at the start of each year, but this internship is really my only opportunity to really see how others prepare for the year, and organize everything, and what their primary concerns are going into classes. I feel like even though I was there, I wasn't really a part of the important stuff (and this will leave me back at ground zero next year when I have my own classroom...hopefully that is). The other big problem was that Kelli did not seem to have any interest in what I was bringing to the table. She never asked about any of my ideas, and whenever I decided to just throw it out there, all I ever seemed to get was a "Oooh, I like that," but nothing more.
As I have learned through past failed relationships, the most important thing in any kind of partnership is an honest, open path of communication, but the communication must be non-accusatory and non-confrontational. My knee-jerk reaction to being treated like a student assistant was to go silent and quietly resent the person mistreating me (an old, bad habit of mine), but I soon realized that this would do neither of us any good and that I needed to be honest with her and tell her that I wanted to be a part of this class in a big way; that I had a lot of ideas that I would like to try and integrate into the class, and that I was not afraid to get my hands dirty, or get put in an awkward,uncomfortable place (in other words, put in front of the class before I felt I was ready). That is what this internship should be all about in my opinion. When I told her this, things seemed to easy up a bit, and Kelli ever so slightly seemed to look at me and talk about the year in a different, more encouraging way.
Still a bit apprehensive about how the whole thing is going to work out, but it seems like at the beginning of the year, all teachers are kinda running around in a room that's too dark to see anything. But they all seem to know that they will eventually adjust to the darkness or that at some point, light will creep in from a near-by window, revealing the right path.... I believe that I will see the light here soon, but it sure does suck pretty bad while you are stumbling around, stubbing your toe on everything!
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